He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
