Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
