So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
