I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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