i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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