she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
