i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
