Small penises have feelings too.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
