your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize