What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
