Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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