so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
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