everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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