wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
