This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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