Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I AM VODKA MAN
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
