I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
