***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
