My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
the liver wants what the liver wants
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
