the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
