I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
