Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
