he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
