My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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