I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
