My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
