My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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