The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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