I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
