Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
