i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
