If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
