He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
