She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
