It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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