Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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