i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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