my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
