What a fucking waste of an outfit
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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