Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
