I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Randomize
