Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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