This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I take back everything I said about communal showers
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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