Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
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