i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
