dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
