a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
