Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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