There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
