I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
